A Decision Not to Love
What is the difference between oneness and love? Me and Dannie Rio were talking yesterday about love and oneness in marriage. A book we are reading said that a woman’s essence sets the standard for oneness. We were quite sure how to take that. At first I was a little offended. I thought why should the woman be the one who sets the standard for my marriage. Immediately after vocalizing this frustration to Dannie, I realized it. The very reason women set this standard is seen in my frustration with it. There is something rebellious in man that wants to be the one to be independent. We want to take care of things on our own and when we have to depend on someone else, or open up to someone else, we resist. By being frustrated with the fact that it is probably true about her essence, I illustrate how this standard is something more difficult for me to achieve than her.
This doesnt mean that either one of us loves the other more or less. Oneness and love are two totally separate ideas. I have counseled many divorcing couples who say, “I still love him.” Is this true. I think it probably is, but they certainly do not have oneness. I have decided not to strive to love Krista anymore. I want to be one with her. I think love is a component necessary for oneness and by settling for love, I may not have anything different than the divorcing couple I see each week.